The Shores Of Tripoli Redux?

Apparently, despite trillions of dollars of global military spending over the past decade, no one can, or will, take on a couple of Somali pirates with AK's in bass boats. The US military whines that it can't do everything, despite the fact that this is the exact reason the Marine Corps was created. The European militarys/armed welfare groups, who rarely, if ever, fight anyone, won't act. The only ones up for a fight, are, believe it or not, the Saudis, who aside from also never fighting anyone, are widely considered to be one of the least effectual governments on earth. (Side note: when the Saudis referred to the pirates as "terrorists" the word lost it's last shred of meaning.)

Now, since they strike fear into the hearts of all the world's armies, you would think they're pretty fearsome. Nope, they seem to be kinda like slightly more heavily armed Bloods or Crips, but in boats. Well, then, they must be elusive. Well, at sea, yes, but we know where they live.

Well, if no military will take them on, what will save us from these pirates? Are we doomed to be at their mercy? Fortunately, there are some experts who have found some good techniques for dealing with them. Apparently, spraying them with a hose discourages them. Also, greasing the ladders on the sides of the ships keeps them from coming aboard. Nope, I'm not kidding. Apparently these are the tried and true solutions. It's too dangerous to send in the SEALs, we've got to stick to grease and hoses. Talk about $550 billion a year well spent, huh?